I Love You: Opening Remarks to Intimate Strangers by L. B. Rubin

““I love you”--magical words, longed for, hoped for, dreamed about. “I love you”--words that hold out the promise that loneliness will be stilled, that life will at last be complete. Once, not so long ago, we heard those words and thought about forever. Once, they signaled the end of the search, meant that we would … Continue reading I Love You: Opening Remarks to Intimate Strangers by L. B. Rubin

The Triad of Men’s Violence: Violence Against Oneself

“Aggression is the building of a precarious structure of internalized violence. The continual conscious and unconscious blocking and denial of passivity and all the emotions and feelings men associate with passivity—fear, pain, sadness, embarrassment—is a denial of part of what we are. The constant psychological and behavioral vigilance against passivity and its derivatives is a … Continue reading The Triad of Men’s Violence: Violence Against Oneself

Tough Guise

“Most men aren't violent, but 90% of violent crimes are committed by men. The question is why? For too long we've identified masculine strength with violence. But true strength comes from challenging the myth that being a real man means putting up a false front, disrespecting others, and engaging in violent and self-destructive behavior. Let's … Continue reading Tough Guise

The Shooting in Orlando, Terrorism or Toxic Masculinity (or Both?)

“The incident in Orlando was a homophobic attack, and whether [Omar] Mateen [the shooter] was (a self-hating) homosexual himself or whether he had been “radicalized,” neither of these things detract from the fact that homosexuality challenges notions of masculinity in the modern world. Using homophobia as the frame to understand what happened in Orlando, one … Continue reading The Shooting in Orlando, Terrorism or Toxic Masculinity (or Both?)

The Gendered Domestic Division of Labor

“One of the main reasons men benefit from marriage is the unequal and taken-for-granted division of domestic labor. Research shows that women historically have shouldered the overwhelming bulk of responsibility for doing household labor, spending three times the amount of time as men doing routine everyday household tasks (for a review, see Coltrane, 2000 [see … Continue reading The Gendered Domestic Division of Labor