The Approach-Avoidance Dance, Excerpt from Intimate Strangers: Men and Women Together by Lillian B. Rubin

“Intimacy. We hunger for it, but we also fear it. We come close to a loved one, then we back off. A teacher I had once described this as the “go away a little closer” message. I call it the approach-avoidance dance. The conventional wisdom says that women want intimacy, men resist it. And I … Continue reading The Approach-Avoidance Dance, Excerpt from Intimate Strangers: Men and Women Together by Lillian B. Rubin

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What Marriage Means

“Marriages, then, are generally not based on love, “The husband is, so to speak, never more than a substitute for the loved man, and not that man himself,” said Freud. This dissociation is not accidental. It is implicit in the very nature of the institution. The economic and sexual union of man and woman is … Continue reading What Marriage Means

Marriage and Defloration

"Today, many young girls are better informed; and their defloration has the characteristics of a rape. “There are certainly more rapes committed in marriage than outside of marriage,” says Havelock Ellis. ... In England, Ellis reports, a woman asked six intelligent, married, middle-class women about their reactions on their wedding night: for all of them intercourse … Continue reading Marriage and Defloration